Hiatus

Until the transition to the new format is complete, TISATM will be on hiatus. Stay tuned for the grand re-opening!

Hey Mikey, He Likes It

Two teenage boys were waiting in line at the soft pretzel cart.
"Is Mikey coming?"
"I called him up and he said he was grounded."

"What for?"

"He said cause he hooked up with 6 girls."

It's funny because it's direct

After I informed the customer about the gift wrap that came with a gift card purchase, they asked and I answered.

"Does your phone number come with a giftcard purchase?"

"No."

A Time for Love

It was the day before Valentines; traffic was high, stock and patience were low. A customer phoned in about a certain lingerie set. After finally getting a moment after ringing up dozens of demanding lovebirds, I'm sent to seek out the item in a store that's been torn up like Rip, I find the last two pieces available. When I relay this information to the man on the phone, he asks for a certain size. We don't have it.
"What do you mean we don't have it?!"
"Well it's the holiday and-"
"I've been trying to get this set at three different stores!"
Pause.
"Well??"
"I don't know what to tell you, Sir."
"You don't know what to TELL me?? Who am I supposed to ask, my wife?!"
"YOU have a wife? I feel sorry for her."
As he started yelling for a manager, I tossed the phone in the drawer and went back to the register.

Maybe he was practicing.

I watched a man push a baby carriage past the store. In the carriage was a 100 count box of Pampers. There was no child in site.

.
Then I thought, it's silly when an adult has child things without a child,but it's different when a child has adult things without an adult. Then I saw a toddler pushing a shopping cart filled with PBR and fireworks.

The Interview.

I had a job interview. I power-walked down the street; freshly pressed suit, a collared shirt that brought out my best colors, boots with just a bit of heel and an overcoat with subtle style hints in monochrome buttons and squared shoulders. I was researched, rehearsed, and ready to present myself in my best light. I felt pretty good. I turned a few heads.

One of those heads was a homeless guy who laughed and said, "Oooh lah dee daaah!" as he waved his hands and walked past me.

It is good to be humbled. It is even better to laugh at yourself.

The second time, I phoned in security.

The last two days I have walked past Spencer Gifts on my break. Both times I have seen the same couldn't-be-older-than-Justin-Bieber-year-old-girl, leaning on the railing outside, bumming with her high-school-was-their-glory-days buddies, sucking on a rainbow-striped grown-man sized phallic lollipop.