Saturday, January 30, 2010

It skips a generation.

I saw two people, a man and a women, both in their mid forties, and both pushing themselves in rented wheelchairs. A 7-or-so-year-old boy trailed along with them, on foot. And I wondered, why isn't the boy in a wheelchair? Then I decided, wheelchairs are probably a recessive gene.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Well, maybe she is.

"No, you don't get it - this is why I won't marry you. You're. Wrong," a Don Juan commented to his sweetheart over his blackberry.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

The comedy is in the usage, you see.

"So I said 'Don't you fucking understand that? You can't fucking exchange it! It's a fucking prom dress! Read your fucking receipt, and get it through your fucking head!'", a classy lady explained to her friend over coffee and window shopping.

Friday, January 15, 2010

They're really 60 year old dwarfs.

A pack of 13-year old cool kids were walking. One was adjusting himself. The other calls: "Hey Sully, why don't you stick your whole hand down there?"

Still messing with the four inches of Tweetiebird shorts killroying themselves out of his Levi's, he yells back in the most New York way, "My boxers fuggin' itch, whatayawant me to do about it?"

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Capitalism perplexes the youth.

Mall landlords usually jazz up vacant lots. Advertising, coverings, window displays; anything to beautify what would otherwise be a big empty dark reminder of the current hard times when many companies just can't afford the rent.

A young entrpeneur passing by the store commented to her companion "I don't understand why there's all these curtains. They should just put more stores in."

Monday, January 4, 2010

Hint: It means slut.

Two women and a child in a stroller came up to make a purchase. After talking to me in english, as I was completing their transaction the women started chatting in spanish. Now I'm no expert in romance languages, but anyone who grows up in a multiethnic neighborhood has picked up on a few choice words, and anyone whos graduated high school can discern basic phrases.

So when the mother of the girl said to her friend: "I love her but she's terrible, she keeps calling Marco's new wife 'puta',"and the friend replied: "It's not bad if she's correct," I couldn't help but join in laughing as I handed them their receipt.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Happy New Year, Pilgrim.

On my break, I had to make a purchase of essentals: an extra jumbo value sized box of tampax pearl, the tinniest sugar free Red Bull they make, and a 2010 calander consisting entirely of 14x14 headshots of John Wayne.

I was still not the weirdest person at WalMart. Not by a long shot.