Thursday, December 31, 2009

Kind of like tit for tat.

A woman came in to exchange two bras for two new ones. Unfortunately, the store no longer made the old ones, and only stocked the new & improved forms. She became irate when, without a receipt, the associate could not make an even exchange - the woman could have paid sale price, then come in to try and get the new, full-price bra. When the woman still did not accept this answer, the clerk finally put it like this.

"Look, Ma'am, it's like if you walked into Best Buy with a Gameboy and said 'I'd like that Wii please'. It's not going to happen."

Friday, December 25, 2009

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

"Excuse me, didn't Epic used to be in this mall?"

"Yes sir, but I believe they closed down."

"What happened to it?"


Friday, December 18, 2009

Maybe he's getting coal.

As she is walking through the mall with armfulls of shopping bags with a babbling child at her heels, a mother pauses to turn around and say to her dear son;

"I am SHOPPING. I don't have time for you. I really don't!"

Let us pause and reflect on the virtues of family and love and hope this Holiday season brings upon us.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Candle curves in all the right places.

I have never seen a thin or sickly person working at a specialty candle shop.
"Holiday Ginger Nutmeg Cocoa Spice" and "Winter Twilight's Peppermint Stick" candles must be appetite stimulants.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Basically it was a good size for singing.

On the bottom of a teen female's long sweatshirt, the part that covers the butt, were the screenprinted letters"SING IT LOUD"
Now, question. Would the volume of the singing be determined by the size of the buttom?
In that case, the phrasing held true.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Dating advice: Start early.

Walking back from pictures with santa, a woman said something to her couldn't-be-older-than-5 granddaughter.

"Emily, if a boy asks you out on a date, and he doesn't know what a cotillion is, don't date him."

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

It's creepy when they use your name over and over.

Sometimes customers call whichever phone number they can find, as long as its in the same mall. At 10:00am one morning last week, I had the privilege to answer this phone call.
"Good morning, thank you for calling "----", Susan speaking how may I help you?"
"Do you know when Beefcake Chahlies opens?"
Since there's no male strip club near the property, I ask "...You mean Beefsteak Charlies?" and give her the phone number.
"Thanks Susan. You know the service there was terrible, absolutely terrible. I would not recommend them, no, not at all, I went there last night. Have you ever been there Susan?"
"Well I would not recommend it. I went there last night and the waitress, awful woman, she barely said a word to us and threw our plates at us and I got fish, and she didn't even give us lemon - I mean people get lemon with fish all the time - do you like fish, Susan?"
"Oh I'm not really into jam bands." No response. "Ah, depends on the fish?"
"Well she brings me a lemon wedge from the bar, like it was for my drink, and when she sees me use it she says 'Oh..It was for your food..' I mean where do they find these people, Susan?"

Possibly in the same place one finds people who call an underwear store to complain about a steakhouse.