Monday, June 15, 2009

There's a reason Mall and Mal are only one letter away.

Today we closed early due to a certain event held the next day. Like most stores, the front of ours has glass doors, so even when they are locked you can see activity inside and outside. Now, after closing, everything that has been riffled through in the span of the day needs to be put back in the order determined by the powers-that-have-little-practical-but-much-pretty-sense.

So on this special day, works on schedule to clean after the stores closed get a peep-show of sorts, of people walking into the glass doors in avian confusion, so disoriented by the change of hours that they forget how to read. Posted clearly on the store side of the glass is a large feminine-coloured sign informing prospective shoppers of our deepest sympathies they must wait an entire twelve hours before the store opens again. This ellicits the most amusing behavior of Mallus Shopperarious and Long-Islandis Bratus. The following are true accounts.

A man demands to speak to a manager to use a free panty coupon, because the store unexpected closed two hours on expiration day. It's fine with me, sir, if you'd like to wear nice panties; I firmly believe people should do what makes them feel good. But sir, please don't be rude and go on for ten minutes about getting something for your girlfriend. Just cut your losses, come back and spend the $5 to feel pretty.

A woman pushes the door handle; no give, locked. She tries the other door; no give, also locked. She proceeds to the glass plate that separates the doors, that is not a door, and pushes it. This is the glass plate that the sign is in front of. Yes, Ma'am, keep trying. It is a test. Only the strong may shop here. Yes - just like King Arthur, it is foretold that a chosen one will prove their might and rule over the Round Panty Table.

Lastly for today, a worker opened the door to let another employee in when a shopper tried to walk in. The worker kindly told the shopper about the closing, reason, and that the woman she let in was an employee. The shopper told the employee to fuck off and left.

That's what we call a classy broad.

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