Maybe he's getting coal.

As she is walking through the mall with armfulls of shopping bags with a babbling child at her heels, a mother pauses to turn around and say to her dear son;

"I am SHOPPING. I don't have time for you. I really don't!"

Let us pause and reflect on the virtues of family and love and hope this Holiday season brings upon us.

Candle curves in all the right places.

I have never seen a thin or sickly person working at a specialty candle shop.
"Holiday Ginger Nutmeg Cocoa Spice" and "Winter Twilight's Peppermint Stick" candles must be appetite stimulants.

Basically it was a good size for singing.

On the bottom of a teen female's long sweatshirt, the part that covers the butt, were the screenprinted letters"SING IT LOUD"
Now, question. Would the volume of the singing be determined by the size of the buttom?
In that case, the phrasing held true.

Dating advice: Start early.

Walking back from pictures with santa, a woman said something to her couldn't-be-older-than-5 granddaughter.

"Emily, if a boy asks you out on a date, and he doesn't know what a cotillion is, don't date him."

Transcript of a conversation of an actual man I observed speaking on an actual phone.

Answers phone.

"Yo. Yo, yo. Yo? Yoooooooo! Yo, yo. Yo. "

Closes phone, exits the store.

It's creepy when they use your name over and over.

Sometimes customers call whichever phone number they can find, as long as its in the same mall. At 10:00am one morning last week, I had the privilege to answer this phone call.

"Good morning, thank you for calling "----", Susan speaking how may I help you?"

"Do you know when Beefcake Chahlies opens?"

Since there's no male strip club near the property, I ask "...You mean Beefsteak Charlies?" and give her the phone number.

"Thanks Susan. You know the service there was terrible, absolutely terrible. I would not recommend them, no, not at all, I went there last night. Have you ever been there Susan?"

"Uh.."

"Well I would not recommend it. I went there last night and the waitress, awful woman, she barely said a word to us and threw our plates at us and I got fish, and she didn't even give us lemon - I mean people get lemon with fish all the time - do you like fish, Susan?"

"Oh I'm not really into jam bands." No response. "Ah, depends on the fish?"

"Well she brings me a lemon wedge from the bar, like it was for my drink, and when she sees me use it she says 'Oh..It was for your food..' I mean where do they find these people, Susan?"

Possibly in the same place one finds people who call an underwear store to complain about a steakhouse.

November Hiatus +Bonus

November turned into a break month, posts will resume in december. On my hiatus, here's something I overheard.

I was in my seat on a plane going to visit my sister. I snagged the window seat, and smiled at the middle-aged woman with a huge bag of magazines and snacks who took the aisle seat. She smiled back and seeing we had the middle seat free, I commented how everyone else seemed to be seated, and it was nice that we might have some extra room on the flight. She replied with whisper and a smile.

"Let's just hope no obese person has this seat."

On the one hand, I'm sitting next to an potentially awful woman who unfairly judges people by how they look. On the other hand, I have a ton of extra elbow room and a supply of entertainment.

The moral dilemmas of holiday travel.